CHARLOTTE – As we lead into the Democratic National Convention, we have learned that Honey Boo Boo and crew at going to address the convention pleading for Congress and the President to pass legislation that grants free access to birth control and sex education for primary school students.
A DNC spokesman said of the Toddlers and Tiara parents, “these are the type of people who show that rugged individualism doesn’t work, like…what the fuck are these parents thinking?” However, instead of denouncing TLC for picking up these god awful parents, the DNC and DNC speaker Sandra Fluke see another alternative. “Clearly what these kids need is sex education and access to free birth control,” said Fluke.
Honey Boo Boo is well renowned among closet pedophiles across the nation, who are able to tune in and see a six year old being sexually exploited on TLC. “Why risk going in chat rooms or surf newsgroups only to get busted by that guy on NBC, when I can just tune into TLC” said one anonymous pervert who lives across the street from you.
“She’s six” said one woman who just so happens to hate women’s rights, “Fluke is complaining about a joke referring to dropping condoms instead of balloons on her…when there are shows on TV that show kids being sexually exploited? Women’s rights don’t start when you hit puberty!
Ed Schultz and Rachel Maddow unanimously agreed that Honey Boo Boo is a national treasure for standing up for women’s reproductive rights, though they do think that she is being subjected to child labor.
“No one loves me,” said Honey Boo Boo’s mother, who was too busy eating a raw ham and counting the money TLC tosses at her to conduct a full interview.